Day 22: Tom’s Guide to Cheap Interstate Travel

Total Mileage: 2,092

Song of the Day: “Meet Me in Memphis” (Beauregard)

Book of the Day:

 - Living in Favor, Abundance, and Joy (Joel Osteen)

Well, I’m safely in Memphis for a week, and I’ve unearthed some new material on church life cycles (with a handy assist from my parents, who are also very much into this sort of thing), so I’m going to wait a little while longer on that until I’ve gotten this new reading under my belt.  In the meantime, it’s been a few days since I’ve gotten to sit down and write at length, and I was thinking a lot about my approach to roadtripping as I drove today, so here are a few insights into cheap travel that I’ve acquired over my past six years of lengthy interstate commuting.  It’s not an exact science, but I have found some recurring trends that are pretty helpful . . .

Pit Stops

Pick interesting places to take breaks.

Last I heard, the suggested amount for motorists to rest from driving was “10 every 2,” meaning a ten minute break to rest your eyes and stretch your legs about every two hours.  I openly admit that I like to find a groove and go for longer than two hours, so that means that my rest stops need to be a little longer to make sure I’m not driving while too tired.  To help rest up, I try to find places that will give me ample opportunity to walk around and see interesting/odd things, and if I’m really planning far in advance, it’s fun to see what odd tourist attractions are on my route.  My personal favorites are still Kentucky’s “Dinosaur World” and Benton, Missouri’s Boomland (perhaps the largest repository of unnecessary and utterly useless knick-knacks in America).  I actually swung by Boomland on my drive from St. Louis down to Memphis today, so I’ll attach some of the pictures I took to give an idea.  Worst case scenario, Pilot and Love’s gas stations often have a lot of weird items on sale, so these places can prove quite entertaining with enough imagination.  Of course, if you have a camera phone and a friend or significant other with a very similar sense of humor, weird rest stops become even more fun, and I often make a game of finding the oddest possible items available for purchase (current frontrunner: Boomland’s holographic Obama/MLK/JFK group portrait-- they move as you do!).

Boomland!

Boomland (interior)

A typical Boomland knick-knack.

My Boomland souvenir-- in preparation for the journey westward.

Gas station food is always overpriced and never as fresh.

A bag of chips at a gas station will typically be twice the price of a bag of chips at a grocery store.  For that reason, it’s better to stock up on food before hitting the road.  The same rule applies to drinks, so keeping a cooler in your car with beverages and maybe a little fresh fruit is a good idea-- it saves money and provides for healthier snack/drink options.  If you have to stop for food along the way, you might want to go for a city or suburb so that you can find a grocery store rather than relying on gas station fare.  In addition to being cheaper, a grocery store also has more regular inventory turnover, so you’re less likely to wind up with stale or expired snack food (which is often a risk with gas stations).  If you must stop for food at a gas station, pick one that’s part of a major chain so that they will have to meet company-mandated inventory turnover standards.  Also, if the location is particularly busy, that means it will be all the more likely to have recently-stocked items rather than leftover Doritos from the Clinton administration.

Gas is pricier in a big city.

I can’t explain why this is, but I’m sure it has something to do with supply and demand.  For some reason, gas is going to be more expensive in a larger metropolitan area, sometimes by 50 cents a gallon or more.  The best way to approach this is to stop for gas at least ten or twenty miles before a major destination so that you have a full tank during your stay in a city.  Ideally, if you’re really familiar with how your car’s gas mileage is, you could even plot your stops ahead of time to get the cheapest gas possible.  After all, some gas stations are definitely cheaper than others.  I’ve always had good luck with Pilot and Love’s stops, where the gas is pretty inexpensive, and there’s a lot of room to get out and walk around.  Shell is a decent alternative in terms of price, and BPs usually have really nice facilities inside, but I haven’t quite gotten this one down to a science yet.  If you find yourself running low on gas in a big city, don’t fill your tank all the way, and plan on filling up farther down the road.  Trust me, you will find cheaper gas out on the interstate.

Rules on Hotels

If possible, don’t use them.

The ideal when traveling is to stay with friends or family.  Those accommodations are free and friendly, and it’s nice to have a break from the solitude of the road.  Still, in some cases, stopping at a hotel becomes necessary (such as when you’ve just attended a church and need to write for several hours with total solitude and an internet connection).  In that event, I’ve found these recurring trends . . .

Hotels are pricier in a big city.

Just like the gas thing, hotels in major cities will also be more expensive, so always look ahead online to try and find accommodations a little farther out toward the suburbs (where cheaper land means more hotels, and that means more competition, which means lower rates).  Of course, exceptions have to be made from time to time.  For example, there was my hotel room in Chicago, where I searched ahead of time and found the cheapest in-city rate I could.  It meant a slightly unsafe neighborhood and some odd-tasting drinking water, but given that I was right by the Orange Line and just up the street from Lawndale, I’d say it was worth it.

With hotels, price doesn’t always mean nice.

Holiday Inn may very well be the biggest rip-off ever conceived.  They are probably the highest priced chain of hotels on the road, and despite the ads, I am not convinced that there is any real additional luxury-- just a higher bill at the end of your stay.  Some hotels like to present a façade of luxury and then drive the price way up.  Don’t fall for this.  Out on the interstate, you can usually find a perfectly nice hotel room for under $60, and you should be able to drive the price down even lower if you have a AAA membership.  In fact, you can sometimes drive the price lower still if the person working the desk is just really cool, so that’s even more motivation to be friendly to people wherever you go.  As far as best quality for lowest rates, Best Western is usually a pretty safe bet (good quality for around the $60 mark), and Super 8 and Comfort Inn aren’t bad either so long as you bring your own pillow.  In my case, all I really need when writing is a bed, a shower, and an internet connection, so bare bones is better.  In fact, I don’t really even need the bed, and that’s why I’m planning to rely more on campgrounds during the next couple of legs of the trip.  Some even provide free wifi once you pay the camping fee.

Approach grouped hotels with caution.

When you encounter an area out on the interstate with a large grouping of hotels, it can be either a very good thing or a very bad thing.  It might mean that you are simply passing through a major transit hub, and hotels there will be competing for lower rates to attract more business.  On the other hand, you might also be near a major convention center, in which case you should expect some exorbitant prices.  When stopping in an area with a wide selection of hotels, always check the rates at two or three just to make sure you’re getting the best deal.  In fact, sometimes a friendly enough front desk attendant will actually tell you where the best deal in town is, so it never hurts to ask.  Shopping around may delay you from hitting the sack for half an hour or so, but it’s worth it to save the cash.

Be nice to front desk attendants.

Hey, just a general observation: these are some incredibly cool people who often have really fascinating stories to tell.  I’ve met front desk attendants who have lived in the same communities their whole lives, and I’ve met front desk attendants who have traveled the whole world.  Some have wonderful stories about their families; some are free spirits who have never been interested in putting down roots.  Regardless, hospitality is their business, so be friendly and make an effort to get to know them.  Again, if nothing else, there’s the money factor to consider: I once got an extra reduced rate just because I listened to the desk attendant’s stories about her son (who was serving in Iraq at the time).  Sometimes, being friendly pays financially.

Food Tips

Know the minimum amount your body needs.

Okay, the human body actually requires way less food than the American media and fast food industry would have us believe.  If you’re taking a long trip (as I am), then being sedentary in the driver’s seat for long periods of time is a fact of life, and without regular physical activity at rest stops, weight gain is a serious risk.  For that reason, it’s good to know how much food your body really needs to sustain itself, and there are a number of ways to learn this.  First off, try eating more slowly.  The stomach takes a little while to tell you that it’s full, so if you eat more slowly, you can have a better idea of when it is that your stomach really has enough food in it.  Also, make sure that you’re only eating when you actually feel hungry.  There’s a lot of boredom eating and stress eating and social eating and eating to stay awake that goes on in our culture, so make sure that your stomach is actually telling you that you’re hungry before you reach for a snack.  Personally, I’ve discovered that, on a day with no physical activity, all it really takes to keep me going is a 6” meatball marinara from Subway, so if I know I’m going to be writing for a few days and have access to a fridge and microwave, I’ll go get a $5 footlong and some chips and an apple or two, and that’s plenty of food for two days.

Fast food may be gross, but at least it’s consistent and predictable.

It typically has more preservatives and more sodium than is really healthy, but in small quantities, fast food isn’t so bad.  Sure, you don’t want it to be the staple of your diet, but on a roadtrip, it’s sometimes the only option you’ll have for a hot meal.  Subway is probably the healthiest option, and a surprising second place might be KFC or Wendy’s (so long as you’re smart about what you order).  Burger King, McDonald’s, Hardee’s, and other restaurants of that ilk are kind of bottom of the barrel because --as much as I hate to admit it-- fries are pretty much bereft of nutritional value.  Your safest bet is to avoid the combo meals for that reason.  (But, incidentally, the Arby’s #12 Chicken, Bacon, & Swiss might very well be my favorite fast food sandwich of all time.)  The main reason to eat fast food is because you don’t want to toss your stomach a curveball on the road, or you might wind up taking a tour of America’s most noteworthy gas station bathrooms, and no one wants that.  Even though it’s not the healthiest food, it’s at least fairly consistent.  Of course, there might be even more at play here than just consistency . . .

Always order the newest or most popular item on the menu.

I have a theory that you actually run a much lower risk of getting food poisoning at a nationally-regulated chain restaurant (since chain restaurants really hate getting sued).  In fact, in theory, your safest option would be to order whatever the newest or most heavily promoted item on the menu is.  Far above providing outstanding food service, I believe that fast food restaurants’ real main goal is to get sued as little as possible, so it makes since that the more popular items would come with more careful cooking instructions.  From a legal perspective, a restaurant is going to take fewer chances on an item that half of its customers are ordering, so if you see it advertised heavily, it’s probably a relatively safe bet that it will be cooked all the way through.

General Driving Stuff

Avoid loops and bypasses.

Something I’ve noticed is that bypasses and interstate loops are consistently more boring and unattractive than just taking the interstate directly through the city.  My theory is that local governments intentionally make these loops boring and spend less on upkeep so as to motivate people to drive right through the metropolitan area instead (where gas, food, hotels, and the like are more expensive).  The idea is to promote local commerce rather than allowing all the tourist dollars to be flushed out to the suburbs.  An interstate right through the city is designed to entice tourists to get off and spend money; a loop or bypass is designed for local residents’ commutes into and out of downtown areas.  If you’re looking to stay awake, the better option is to cut straight through downtown, and I’ve found that there’s seldom a discernable difference in rush hour delays between main interstates and bypasses.  The congestion seems pretty equal.

Don’t mess around with truckers.

Enormous vehicles that move more slowly, have a harder time braking, have much larger blind spots, routinely kick up rocks, and often have far more reckless, aggressive, or sleepy drivers?  Yeah, the 18-wheeler makes my short list of the worst transportation systems ever concocted.  Truckers are a serious road hazard that must be approached cautiously.  These drivers tend to take breaks less often, so their observational skills are often compromised, and many are just habitually aggressive and will use their vehicles’ large sizes to be pushier in high-traffic situations, so beware of truckers.  Even if they occasionally honk their horns for little kids doing that arm motion, truckers are not your friends when they’re behind the wheels of those rigs.  I’ve seen truckers pull some crazy stunts in traffic and have almost been run off the road several times by these behemoths of the interstate system.  Keep your distance and drive as defensively as possible.  When you’re passing, get around them quickly, because you never know when they might drift into your lane and run you onto the shoulder.  Also, if one of them is driving recklessly enough, don’t bother with the “how’s my driving” number; go straight for the highway patrol.  Seriously, you don’t want them to get an angry call from a supervisor; you want them to get pulled over for their own safety and the safety of everyone else on the road.

Give motorcycles extra space.

The equal and exact opposite rules for truckers apply in this situation.  Drafts off of your car can seriously affect the balance of a motorcycle moving at high speeds, so if someone is actually foolish enough to take a motorcycle onto the interstate --and I know riders who say that it’s something you should never ever do-- give them a wide berth.  Use extreme caution when passing them, and always make sure to leave plenty of space before moving in front of a motorcyclist.  Okay, enough of the serious stuff though.  On to something a little more fun.

Have a good audiobook.

There’s actually a lot of factors that go into a good audiobook, and believe it or not, subject matter is not the most important thing.  No, the key factor needed for a good audiobook is a good reader.  In my case, I’ve found that a slightly obnoxious male tenor voice is usually the best thing to keep me awake, so my ideal reader is actually A.J. Jacobs.  In addition to writing hilarious books (The Year of Living Biblically, The Guinea Pig Diaries, etc.), Jacobs has a voice that is ever so slightly grating, so he’s great for staying awake.  By contrast, I only made it about a paragraph into God’s Politics before Jim Wallis’s soothing baritone had me drifting off at the wheel, so that one was returned pretty promptly.  No, you have to have a reader who will keep you alert, and that’s why recorded lectures and sermons are also very good to have handy.  I’ll never forget the time that I made the 12-hour drive between Kenyon and Memphis in one push simply because I had a set of Prof. Shutt’s lectures on C.S. Lewis to keep me entertained.  Shutt is a speaker who has figured out how to modulate his pitch and volume so that you’re always on the edge of your seat, and really experienced readers all understand this technique.

On second thought, have several good audiobooks.

I’ve found that some of my easiest drives are the ones where I can switch out CDs when I get tired of one author or reader.  When I get sick of one subject, I simply switch to another one for a little while until my interest in that one wanes, at which point I can switch back to my original book.  A prime example would be that set of Joel Osteen sermons I’ve been going through.  I’ll be honest: although I love his ideas about being content and thankful for what you have, Joel’s material on positive attitudes makes me uneasy.  With all this focus on keeping a smile on your face, I feel like he’s denying people the ability to express healthy emotions like grief and lament, both of which are portrayed prominently and positively in Scripture (Job, John 11, and the cursing Psalms to name a few instances).  I don’t think Joel’s a false prophet or a heretic or any of the harsher labels that get ascribed to him; I just think that his advice on positive attitudes is potentially detrimental to his listeners’ mental health and should be ignored.  I’m thoroughly off topic now though.  Where was I?  Oh, right-- rotating your audiobooks.  Given my frustration with Joel, I was glad to have a couple of backup humor books to lighten the mood, so I would break up the sermons with Larry Wilmore or Stephen Colbert or A.J. Jacobs and usually be fine.  It’s okay to have a book that you disagree with, but remember that getting angry at your audiobook will probably adversely affect your driving, so if you can keep the mood light, do so.  By the same token, it’s better to avoid books with a lot of suspense, because those will also make you a little edgy behind the wheel.  Humor and political/religious commentary are probably the safest options.

Let your trust for GPS be tempered by your gut.

Dude, I hate driving into someone’s cornfield or into the middle of a suburban neighborhood or all around a depressed urban area when I’m trying to get from point A to point B.  For that reason, I’ve decided that it’s totally okay to view your GPS with suspicion and rely more on your gut.  If I think that I-55 will be more likely to connect me to my destination, I’m going to keep going that way, and the GPS can turn me around later if I get lost!  I originally got my GPS because I was working in a rural area with poor signage and kept getting lost, but when you’re following interstates everywhere, the GPS gets a little redundant and can actually do more harm than good, so trust your gut.  There are many situations where ignoring a GPS is actually the better decision.

Well, I’ve probably spent enough time on this.  More revelations about interstate travel as they come up, and I hope this has been useful.  Again, I’ll be in Memphis for a while participating in ordination-related activities, so my posting over the next week may be more about general issues instead of specific church case studies.  Also, as happy as I am to be staying in the house where I grew up (a.k.a. “The Library” due to its thousands of books), and as eager as I am to spend time back at my home church, I’m also just really excited to have Memphis food again!  It’s BBQ time.

Peace and Blessings,

Tom