Day 39 (part 1)- Asked to Leave Saint James

Okay, posting a little out of order, but I need to go ahead and post this one . . .

Total Mileage: 3,706

I’m a little embarrassed.  I’m a little insulted.  I’m very disappointed.

Still, I understand why Ted Haggard told me that I was not welcome at his church.

Weeks ago, a friend of my aunt’s had asked Ted if I could interview him for this study.  His response was that he was not currently doing interviews and was focusing all his time and energy on his new church, which he then welcomed me to visit.  I want to make sure that is clearly stated from the outset:

My visit to Saint James Church was not originally on my itinerary.  It was a later addition to my journey at the personal invitation of Ted Haggard conveyed through a mutual acquaintance.

That being said . . .

My Aunt Jeannie and my cousin Lindsay accompanied me this morning, leaving early from Pueblo to arrive at Saint James Church in Colorado Springs with plenty of time to spare.  The church meets in the gymnasium of a middle school in an upper class suburban neighborhood, and they really are just up the street from Focus on the Family and New Life.  Google maps had made the distance between the two seem greater, but they are very much neighbors.  Saint James’s main entrance proved a little difficult to find at first, but after getting a little turned around, we were able to follow signs to the main parking lot.  We got out and headed in, receiving a hardy welcome from a greeter, who directed us downstairs for coffee and donuts.

We walked down the stairs, and right there, standing by the donuts, was Pastor Ted.  He was greeting people as they came in, chatting casually with folks, and this impressed and surprised me since it’s something I haven’t seen a lot of pastors at large churches doing.  I came up and shook his hand, in slight disbelief that I was actually talking to Ted Haggard.  Wearing his iconic dress shirt and jeans, Pastor Ted was chipper and upbeat, with a big grin on his face, and he welcomed me enthusiastically.  I introduced myself and explained that I was getting ready to be ordained and was traveling the country.  Pastor Ted introduced me to a youth Bible Study leader, who explained that he was teaching a lesson on forgiveness right after the service, and I sort of wondered if he was offering this to me as an invitation to attend.  My attention was diverted when I realized that Pastor Ted had stepped away to talk to some other folks.  He would soon return though, and, after introducing me to a few more people, he led me up the hall to the sanctuary.  We talked as we walked, and I told him a little about why I was there.

I made a point of being totally upfront with him.  At no point did I ever lie or even stretch the truth, and in retrospect, maybe concealing my intentions would have been more respectful, but the Bible, St. Augustine, and Dr. AmyLaura Hall have all taught me never to lie.

I told him that I was a divinity student worshiping and researching my way across America and trying to connect with the church on a deeper level in my last summer before ordination.  Pastor Ted seemed to appreciate this and sympathize.  I mentioned that I was staying with my aunt and uncle in Pueblo, and I told him upfront, “I have to admit that I’m curious about the whole New Life controversy.  It kind of got my attention, so I wanted to worship here at Saint James this morning and then experience worship at New Life later this evening.”  I’m sure Pastor Ted gets this all the time, but in retrospect, I think that I had accidentally prodded him a bit with my mention of the controversy.  Pastor Ted said with a smile on his face, “What controversy?” and he laughed a bit.  I thought he was just joking with me, but then he let the question hang in the air for a bit before repeating, “No, really, what controversy?”  It seemed that he wanted an answer, and he worked a little more to coax it out of me, so I hesitantly said, “Your departure from New Life and . . . all that.”  Pastor Ted continued to smile and assured me, “I’m just messing with you.  It’s okay.”  At this point, a few other people walked up, and since I was feeling a bit awkward about the controversy discussion, I was relieved to have more people to talk to.

I struck up a conversation with Randy, the saxophonist in the band there at Saint James, and we talked a bit about their music setup-- contemporary instrumentation.  Randy was in a bind because their direct box for the electric bass was not functioning, and when I explained that I play bass as well, he offered to introduce me to their bass player.  I said sure, not knowing if I could really be of any help with the electrical problem but interested in meeting more of the band nonetheless.  Even though I get to talk to pastors and church members a good bit in these worship experiences, conversations with band members are surprisingly rare, so I was excited for this.

I noticed Aunt Jeannie and Lindsay walking into the sanctuary, so I parted ways with Randy for a moment and came over to greet them.  I think this is where I made a crucial misstep: I got my notebook out to write a few things down, and Pastor Ted took notice.  Eyeing the notebook, he walked back over toward me and my family.  Trying to be polite, I asked him the same question I always ask pastors when I attend churches, “Is it okay if I take notes during the service?”  Pastor Ted maintained his smile and his courteous demeanor as he asked, “Not writing a report, are you?”

Me: Not really.  I’m just keeping a blog of my experiences this summer.

Pastor Ted: Look, if you’re just here to write a report, you’re going to have to leave.  Reporters aren’t welcome here-- only people looking to worship.

Me: Well, I’m here to worship as well.

Although it was 100% true, my response must have come off as disingenuous, and though Pastor Ted remained cordial, he was not pleased.  He continued to smile but told me, “No, if you’re here to write a report of any kind, then you’re not here to worship, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”  I didn’t get the opportunity to offer an in-depth explanation of my project, but I tried to reassure him that my intentions were innocent and that I was in fact there to worship.  Still, Pastor Ted made it clear that he didn’t trust reporters or students, and based on his experiences, I can’t say I blame him.  Without making a scene or raising his voice, he repeated his request that I leave.  Realizing that I was getting nowhere in explaining myself and not wanting to antagonize him, I agreed to Pastor Ted’s request and gave him a polite “thank you” as I shook his hand on my way out the door.

Aunt Jeannie, Lindsay, and I all walked out in disbelief and a little shaken.  I knew I’d be in store for some wild stuff this summer, but being asked to leave a church?  I never saw that one coming.  Perhaps I made a mistake in being so upfront and honest with Ted Haggard, and perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned New Life since I should have guessed that it would strike a chord.  Still, even though I fully understand why he did it, I never expected to be asked to leave a church to which I had been invited.  I never expected to be labeled as a “reporter.”  I’m not a reporter.  I’m a student, and I’m a future pastor, and I wanted to hear Ted’s insights on a very real issue facing today’s pastors: What do we do about celebrity?  Given his experiences, he’s an authority on this subject, and I wanted to hear him preach and maybe pick his brain a bit if given the chance.  Also, despite accusations to the contrary, I really did want to worship.  I’ve worshiped at every church I’ve attended this summer, and Saint James was not going to be an exception.  I wish I could have explained that to Ted, but, as my aunt and cousin will testify, it was a losing battle, so I walked away.

I’ve thought about emailing Ted to try and explain myself once more and apologize for offending him, but honestly, I’m perfectly content to go ahead and drop the whole thing.  I wish Ted Haggard nothing but the best as he builds his church and tries to rebuild his reputation.  He is the prime example of the pitfalls of the celebrity pastor phenomenon, and I wish I could have talked to him and learned more about that for my own edification as I enter the ministry.  I still believe that he could have offered some great advice and some useful caveats, but now I’ll never know, and I think I’m okay with not knowing.  I’ve probably spent too much time on all this anyway.  To sum up: I didn’t come to Saint James looking to condemn-- I came to learn, but I was politely told that I was not welcome.  Oh well.

Note to self:

Be more cautious at New Life.

Peace and Blessings,

Tom